Exploring authenticity through conscious healing

Personally it has not been constructive for me to focus on my weaknesses. It has only been making me feel low, unqualified and drains out all my positive energy. Due to my tendency for excessive self criticism it's proven easier to instead direct my energy into focusing on my strengths which helps establish a better sense of self worth. The confidence and power of which naturally exudes to help me move past my weaknesse. And it works like wonders! I had a lot of resistance to try this age old practice because I thought I'd be arrogant and vain otherwise. It requires humility to be truly confident. So you actually don't lose anything by validating and acknowledging your existing strengths. You instead get more energy, inspiration and motivation to push past your limitations. Knowing that your worth is not based on how much or how quickly you overcome your weaknesses. When that pressure doesn't exist then you're able to make better progress at your own gentle pace. Re...

 I often get overwhelmed with how abundant life is and struggle to appreciate because I don't feel deserving of receiving. This feeling of unworthiness prevents me from immersing myself in the joyous ocean of gratitude. I tend to remain in a state of denial because of a low self worth which makes me miss out on all the existing wonderful things that I could be thankful of. I even avoid counting my blessings because I'm worried it will be taken away from me. I realised I was doing this because I had a lot of internal resistance with giving in to pride. It was revelating to realise how pride is indeed one of the 6 anarthas(anything that is not artha- or that which is not the goal). The much needed reminder of the knowing that we're conditioned beings in this material world. So, Isn't it much better to take positive forward actions and engage in pride than to remain stagnant with excessive jealousy and envy? To be proud of how far you've come instead of letting your fa...

 Healing now feels like a war where I'm guaranteed victory. Entering the battlefield to fight against my dark shadows, pasts and to defeat repeating cycles and breakfree. For a year I was healing in isolation. I didn't feel deserving of love or support. It took me time to understand that I need my community to heal. And now I'm constantly craving for my support system. If I'm going to war, I need my army. I want to be well nourished and make sure my basic needs are met. I don't want to fight and exhaust all my energy that I'll end up having to heal my nervous system from all that rushed "healing". Sometimes we get carried away with growing that we forget to just be. To allow our messy, raw metamorphosis process to be seen by those we love. We want to patch it up and perform and act so they don't see us for who we truly are even if it's just temperory. Why do we pressure ourselves to be perfect? To constantly be a finished product of something. ...

 Life is like a bonda Why I say that I don't know Fiiine let me come to the point. I haven't written in ages although every single day I've been wanting to. There was a break I needed to take and now coming back, I feel robbed, left with just hesitancy In destitution, I file a case against my mind Who stole from me My precious savings of confidence, expression, vulnerability and compassion I wanna blame and point fingers but it looks at me with puppy eyes Softening my heart against my wishes Asking to be heard and seen with a kinder light To forgive and understand The reason for my resistance Now I write to affirm and reassure Hoping the ice melts After the chillness of all the change and distance Everyone's experience is unique. What I share may be something someone already knows. But the nuances are never the same. The words barely exact. Why fear when there are people to hear. Sharing my journey doesn't make me any better than others but fulfills my own heart and...

 I surrender to the waves that won't let me outrun As they catch up to me quickly Leaving no room dry For my pain to hide Everytime I fall back into my pattern of wanting to feel better than someone else when I am feeling insecure, threatened or envious due to my unresolved pain or trauma being triggered I yearn for an increasing remembrance and practice - To spot and let go of my codependency trait to help others just to feel better about myself To look at their positive qualities and go- wow how do they effortlessly do something that I'm only beginning to understand and integrate To let myself be awestruck and to ask them for their story with genuine curiosity To sit back and hear them narrate with passion their journey Watching their eyes light up as into their inner world I'm granted entry From one heart to another The sharing of experiences incomparably unique Ahhh The glories of empathic listening And the power of story telling No place for jealousy Loneliness fading ...

 Falling deeper and deeper in love with life as each day passes by With the unfailing rising of the sun that sets on yesterdays Climbing ashore after the storms that shoved me into the chasm of my shadows Breathing in acceptance, of a breath so filled with compassion Gently soothing my ruptured nerves into a soul expanding radiance ... I've been asked many times. What keeps you going? Why do you choose to heal? Now, I'll tell you why. I invite you to listen with an open heart, forgetting everything around for a while. Imagine a frozen lake. Cold and icy shards. I'm that water within and also the ice on top. The ice that I unconsciously layered, to stop further hurt. Alas it also meant, to block out the divine flow of love. One day, tired of being frozen into survival and yearning for some fresh air, I wanted to heal. I wanted to stop piercing myself and others with the painful sharp edges of my complex-trauma icicles.* (check comments) Ever since that day, I've been liv...