Healing- Ice breaker sessions with myself

 Falling deeper and deeper in love with life as each day passes by

With the unfailing rising of the sun that sets on yesterdays

Climbing ashore after the storms that shoved me into the chasm of my shadows

Breathing in acceptance, of a breath so filled with compassion

Gently soothing my ruptured nerves

into a soul expanding radiance


...


I've been asked many times. What keeps you going? Why do you choose to heal?


Now, I'll tell you why. I invite you to listen with an open heart, forgetting everything around for a while.


Imagine a frozen lake. Cold and icy shards. I'm that water within and also the ice on top.


The ice that I unconsciously layered, to stop further hurt.

Alas it also meant, to block out the divine flow of love.


One day, tired of being frozen into survival

and yearning for some fresh air,

I wanted to heal.

I wanted to stop piercing myself and others with the painful sharp edges of my complex-trauma icicles.* (check comments)


Ever since that day, I've been living a future completely unknown.

With leaps of faith being my guiding compass.

And, baby steps, my only mode of transport.


I wanted to flow freely and the desperation for warmth grew so strong

it gave me the strength to face my darkest wounds.

From the rigid toxicity of stagnancy into gentle caressing movement.

I slowly began the process of a long pending recovery.


Healing now meant the anticipation of ice breaker sessions with myself.

With each piece of ice melting

into the warmest of water liquid. Drawing boundaries of dams to protect my energy that channels my pain out and lets love in again.


I heal so I can get to meet more of me. Beyond the layers of ice and into the depths of my being. Outside all that pain and inside

where lies a soul that knows only joy.


I find myself gladly flapping, slowly transmuting all my icebergs into the pure softness of water.

Holding love and safety where my

nervous system relaxes to trust me again

As each cell of my body expands to grow into my highest potential self.


Ps- So yes. This is why I heal.

There are days when I wonder if living in ignorance was easier. Plenty of pauses but no more going back!


8th May, 2022

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why heal?

I went on a beach date with my friend and she took a video of me dancing in the waves Watching it moved me with suprise and made me go - GOSH HEALING IS SO FRIKKING WORTH IT! Worth the awareness and acknowledgement it brings of all the pain, hurt, injustice, blame and trauma that young innocent me had faced. I felt so free! It had been a rough few days just before that date. Each time I consciously choose to address and heal a certain wound from my past, I am taken on a spin around in the dark, foggy storm, unsure of when things will settle down. But when they do always naturally calm down, I feel immensely relieved. Like a huge chunk has been lifted off from my heart. I feel like soaring, flying and dancing just like in this video! It is a lot of jumping and twirling hehe The light heartedness, the further freeing of my suppressed inner child, the wildness from within syncing with the sea breeze and the fearless dance of the waves lifting me off my feet! Once my friend told me that wa...
Read more

Friendship

 I always preferred being by myself. I never bothered to deepen relationships because my expectations were so low that I would automatically assume the worst. I barely gave first chances or the benefit of doubts. I was just sure it wouldn't work out. I knew it was going to be temporary and would end sometime. These thoughts stopped me from reaching out and making new friends. I drew so many boundaries that they formed a wall around me. I thought I was protecting myself from rejection, betrayal and disappointment. I thought I was doing what I thought was best for me. Looking back now, I realise I've been reacting from a place of fear based control and false detachment. For years these thoughts frustrated me and made me feel helpless and lonely. In the name of having high standards I was pushing people away. I intentionally wouldn't open up in fear of sharing too much because what if after I tell my story, they leave me? What if I spend hours talking to someone only for them...
Read more