To BE

 Healing now feels like a war where I'm guaranteed victory. Entering the battlefield to fight against my dark shadows, pasts and to defeat repeating cycles and breakfree.


For a year I was healing in isolation. I didn't feel deserving of love or support. It took me time to understand that I need my community to heal. And now I'm constantly craving for my support system. If I'm going to war, I need my army. I want to be well nourished and make sure my basic needs are met. I don't want to fight and exhaust all my energy that I'll end up having to heal my nervous system from all that rushed "healing".


Sometimes we get carried away with growing that we forget to just be. To allow our messy, raw metamorphosis process to be seen by those we love. We want to patch it up and perform and act so they don't see us for who we truly are even if it's just temperory.


Why do we pressure ourselves to be perfect? To constantly be a finished product of something. Of not allowing others to see or love me for my messiness. To believe and accept that this cocoon stage of my growth is when I require acceptance most from myself before I blossom into a colourful free butterfly. To allow myself to receive love from even others during my worst. Expecially then actually!


Maybe I'm not who I want to be right now. Maybe I haven't reached my goals or this ideal potential of myself. It's okay. It's alright.

We are not human doings. We are human BEINGS. Being and accepting through all that we are. And not trying to force ourselves to be someone we are not or who we think we can or should be.


I'm reminded of this quote by Victor Linao,

"Diamonds are formed under pressure and bread dough rises when you let it rest We're all our own things. What's motivating to you may be crippling to others."


TO BE


19th August,  2022


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