Why do I share my writing?

 Sometimes I wonder why I share my thoughts and writings? Every single time that I do, I go through this pre war ritual for a battle against my inner self critic. To push past that fear of judgement and to just do it without overthinking. 

I used to think it's because I am scared of people judging me but I also know factually that most people are absorbed in their own lives and barely have the time or interest to judge others. 

And even if they do, I couldn't care less as it's been 3 years since I began sharing and I am used to the usual 'ageist' comments. 

Then why do I still feel like I'm being judged?

It's because I have been judging myself all along. 

Yes, there are those people around you who can be judgemental but I'm talking about 

'feeling like you're being judged even when you don't actually receive any external judgement.' 

Again I'm still wondering how there might be people who read this and go- pfft nothing new, I already knew this stuff, why does she even try?

The same goes for all my other many insecurities.

These are just a few of the many judgements that I give myself by cowering behind a third person narrative. 

But if I change it to first person then it would be easier catch myself in the act.  

When you begin to believe in yourself and in the power of growth and expansion, then the camouflage of self judgement hiding behind the faces of the people around you begin to fade away. 

Your perspective shifts. You see everything with a new filter. A filter of self love, understanding and compassion. You overflow with so much love that naturally you begin to extend yourself to see others through that same new light. It slowly removes the masks of your projected insecurities on them as you wish to only assume and believe the best in yourself and everyone else around!

You begin to see how you're the one who has had this problem. You haven't em5braced and accepted yourself completely for who you were, for who you are and for you can be! 

And when you have that ball of penalty on your side of the court, no one can stop you from shooting your best shot.

30th January 2022