Song of the sun

I have always been a very expressive person. I began sharing on social media when I was 15 but it was very inconsistent as I'd keep giving in to my fears, insecurities, self-doubt and criticisms. I deleted 2 Instagram accounts and would keep deactivating and aarchiving certain posts but I somehow kept coming back again and again thanks to the encouragement of a few close friends.

I kept questioning this drive I'd from within to speak and share my process and journey. I felt like this black sheep from childhood and I really struggled to 'fit in'.

I couldn't see many around me who felt the same way as I did and that made me feel really lonely and like an outcast.

Age was also a really big factor. It was the biggest issue that I'd to battle which stopped me several times from speaking my truth.

Now I no longer believe that my human age has a say in who I am.

I'm not too mature, wise, old and boring nor am I too young, naive, cool and stupid.

I'm exactly the person for my age based on all the experiences I've been through and the learnings I've gained from them.

I will no longer allow myself to be shamed by others around me for being who I am.

I seek strength from the sun that asks no one for permission as he magnificently rises from the horizon.

I'm no longer responsible if my light triggers the darkness within others. I won't extinguish my voice in fear of provoking other's comfort zones. It's not my problem how others receive my presence. Let them wear shades or block me with an umbrella if the intensity is too much to bear.

I'm done hiding and smothering myself and living a life for others.

I have gradually stopped asking- why me?? and I now try to wholeheartedly accept myself for who I am and all that I am yet to be.

Writing and sharing poetry, feelings and my process of healing brings me passionately and purposefully alive!

I will no longer deny msyelf this joy and if it's helping others feel heard and find their own voices then what an amazing win-win!

I'll share as I feel guided from within and that may be 2-3 posts in a row or a 4 month break where I live with a nokia phone.

I might be journaling everyday for the last 10 months but there's a big difference between

chaotic, illegible handwriting on tiny notepads and random pieces of paper with mixed coloured ink and faded pencils on tear blotted pages;

Vs

Neat fonts and grids where I can articulate myself in gratitude and peace to celebrate my own success of getting through my storms and to see how far I've come!

I'm writing this current piece as a comforting reminder to myself when I find my mind tempting me to spiral into past negative cycles.

So for all these aforementioned reasons I will continue writing. I'll continue taking up my space unapologetically.

I surrender and ask be protected from my unhealed yet conquerable fears and insecurities that are waiting to pounce on me.

I pray that I be used as an instrument of the Lord and be of service to Him by taking responsibility of my own healing and to all those that may parallelly benefit from this sharing of mine personally.

I'd also like to thank each and everyone of you who've been so supportive and encouraging. Thank you for holding space for my words, for reading them and for showing me that truly none of us are alone in this journey.


31st March, 2022

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