Jealou-see

 January 2021 was not easy as I had around a month before I moved to Mayapur. In those last few weeks everything began to magnify for me. I just couldn't wait. I became restless, insecure, impatient, grumpy...and jealous of those already in Mayapur. I would go online for hours and cry and complain as I watched various kirtan programs and festivals being celebrated. It became too much to handle that I decided to do something about it. I just couldn't bear those low vibrational emotions I was surrounding myself with. 

I casually googled podcasts on dealing with jealousy and found one by Love Your Life, LYL #151. I began listening to it and was drying my clothes on the balcony when I heard the author say something that changed my perspective completely. That one line which I still hold onto my heart everytime I find myself being jealous of someone or the experiences they go through. 

She said something along the lines of how,

"Jealousy is a sign that you know what you want and are closer to manifesting it"

Just amazing no?! Everything changed immediately. I felt lighter and challenged! I began to make mental notes of why I found myself getting jealous. Was there more to it than just a lousy comparison of life in general? Or was it because of a desire within me that gets triggered when I see it has already manifested in others? 

To use jealousy as a constructive tool to identify your desires and goals in order to actually start working on them so you can qualify to deserve what you desire! 

This conscious awareness of your jealousy helps you to even recheck your desires and goals. Whether it's something you genuinely want to pursue or if it's the validation you're seeking that comes with it. 

Next time you're jealous of someone, pause. And try Jealou-see. Accept your jealousy and see what makes you jealous. See how you can prepare yourself to be on that receiving end. 

14th June, 2021

Ps. This is my favourite reminder from prabhupada about how jealousy(khala) and envy is directly the material world. How it is in our hands whether we chose to belong to the material or the spiritual world.

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