Adult babies

 I've been babysitting for 8 months now and it's been a beautiful journey with lots of lovely learnings.

I want to share a very precious memory and a profound realisation that followed.

One morning on the 26th of December, I was helping this little guy finish his abc's. Until then we had been doing only 13 letters a day. Today was a milestone moment where we brought all 26 letters to the floor.

When we finally completed, I tried to get him to sing the abcd song but we would keep getting stuck at the lmnop part.

I was losing patience and he was also getting restless.

I had to try my best to keep patient and calm. I caught myself thinking, why can't he get it! What's so difficult about this? But immediately stopped myself and reminded that he's a literal child who's learning all of this for the first time.

I've no right to have any expectations nor hold it against him for struggling.

With renewed patience and self regulation from my side, we tried again and managed to complete.

Both of us sighed with relief and I suddenly heard a soft voice- "I love you Bhagya"

I was startled. It took me a few seconds and only when I looked at his mom's face was it confirmed that it was exactly what I thought I heard.

Entire while that I was cycling home I couldn't stop smiling. How pure an interaction!

How it made a difference when I was able to remind myself of his level of understanding and meet him there with patience and compassion by holding space for him. And he felt that and reciprocated so sweetly!

I was thinking how sweet and pure these little ones are and how if I've to spend time with anyone I'd always choose kids over adults.

But wait. What's the difference?? Aren't adults too in a way children. What if I saw that elderly relative with anger issues, as a child whose needs were unmet? What if a 30 year old lady screaming at her family nearby is due to her lack of resources and skills to help her regulate her emotions and not project?

In Tamil there's a common saying, kozhandha madri nadikadha- Don't act like a child. But what if you're acting like a child because you didn't get to learn certain things and you stayed stuck there?

Everyone comes from different families with different baggages and trauma. All our upbringings are different. Who am I to judge someone just because the areas in which we each act childlike differ? Maybe I act like a child when I feel abandoned or reject and maybe someone else acts like a child and throws an ugly tantrum because of a sentence that triggered them. 

This realisation was so profound for me because growing up I used to hate people. I hated getting close to anyone. I was hyper critical and demanded nothing less than perfection. And that's why I always enjoyed spending time with babies and kids. Because I could understand and be compassionate to their struggles and never took it personally. 

But after this whole incident and realising how when people are triggered they're stuck in the child selves helps me be compassionate. Not take it personal. Be patient and understanding. Because how else will that child in them learn unless they feel heard and accepted for wherever they're at?

29th April, 2022